Mitchell Report All-Star Team

With the newly released (and highly criticized) Mitchell Report, I've decided the only appropriate way to cover it is to make an All-Star team out of the players cited as steroid users. I've also included statistics from a supposedly steroid-influenced season.

Catcher
Todd Hundley
1996 stats: .259 average, 41 HRs, 112 RBIs
First Base
Jason Giambi
2002 stats: .342 average, 41 HRs, 122 RBIs
Second Base
Brian Roberts (note that Roberts only was said to have injected himself once or twice during 2003, hence the fairly "human" numbers)
2003 stats: .270 average, 5 HRs, 41 RBIs, 29 SBs
Third Base
Ken Caminiti (I'm using his MVP season since he admitted to using steroids throughout his career)
1996 stats: .326 average, 40 HRs, 130 RBIs, NL MVP
Shortstop
Miguel Tejada
2003 stats: .278 average, 27 HRs, 106 RBIs
Left Field
Barry Bonds
2001 stats: .328 average, 73 HRs, 137 RBIs, NL MVP
Center Field
Jose Canseco
1998 stats: .237 average, 46 HRs, 107 RBIs, 29 SBs
Right Field
Gary Sheffield
2003 stats: .330 average, 39 HRs, 132 RBIs, 18 SBs
Designated Hitter
Mo Vaughn
2002 stats: .259, 26 HRs, 72 RBIs
Bench
Lenny Dykstra
David Justice
Rafael Palmeiro
Gary Matthews Jr.
Paul LoDuca

Starting Pitchers
Roger Clemens
1998 stats: 20-6, 2.65 ERA, 271 Ks, Cy Young Award
Kevin Brown
2003 stats: 14-9, 2.39 ERA, 185 Ks
Andy Pettitte
2003 stats: 21-8, 4.02 ERA, 180 Ks
Denny Neagle
2000 stats: 15-9, 4.52 ERA, 146 Ks
Paul Byrd
2005 stats: 12-11, 3.74 ERA, 102 Ks
Closer
Eric Gagne
2004 stats: 45 saves, 2.19 ERA, 114 Ks
Relief Pitchers
Mike Stanton
2003 stats: 5 saves, 4.57 ERA, 24 Ks
Brendan Donnelly
2004 stats: 3.00 ERA, 56 Ks
Ron Villone
2004 stats: 4.08 ERA, 86 Ks
Derrick Turnbow
2005 stats: 39 saves, 1.74 ERA, 64 Ks
Jason Grimsley
2001 stats: 3.02 ERA, 61 Ks

Not a bad team. Let's see how the lineup would look:

1 2B Brian Roberts
2 CF Jose Canseco
3 LF Barry Bonds
4 3B Ken Caminiti
5 1B Jason Giambi
6 RF Gary Sheffield
7 C Todd Hundley
8 SS Miguel Tejada
9 DH Mo Vaughn

That's a murderer's row if I've ever seen one, and just imagine if I had included Vaughn or Roberts in their good seasons. So what's the moral here? That steroids work?

Honestly, there is no moral. But then what does the Mitchell Report really accomplish other than throwing some players under the bus? Maybe it will lead to more stringent testing, but for now it's just created a media frenzy. I'm just glad I could join in the fun.