Steve Kerr Breaks the News to Mike D'Antoni

Kerr's Assistant: Mr. Kerr, Mr. D'Antoni is here to see you.

Kerr (sniffing a big bouquet of flowers): Thanks, Ginger. Send him in.

D'Antoni (entering): Buon giorno!

Kerr: Hey Mike, thanks for coming in.

D'Antoni (holding two half-eaten slices of pizza): It's-a no problemo, a-mister-Steve.

Kerr: It's 7:30 in the morning. Isn't it a little early for pizza?

D'Antoni: It's-a never too early for-a pizza, a-mister-Steve.

Kerr: Right, well...Mike, I hate to break it to you, but we're going to go in a different direction for this coming season.

D'Antoni (With chewed pizza falling out of his mouth): Que?

Kerr: Yeah, we think you just didn't have enough fiery italian passion to get the job done.

D'Antoni: This-a is-a an-a outrage-a! Who-a has-a more pa-shee-oh-nay than-a me?


Mario: It's-a me! Mario!

D'Antoni: Him? You-a hired him?

Kerr: Yes, we think he's the guy who can get us over the hump next year.

Mario: Over-a-da-hump!

D'Antoni: But he has-a no-a basketball expertise-a! He's-a just a plumber!

Mario: I swim-a in dee poop!

Kerr: No, but he's got a lifetime of leadership experience and a superior mustache. And as we all know, our team's defensive intensity is based entirely on the impressiveness of the coach's mustache.

Mario: Mine-a curls up!

D'Antoni: A-mister-Steve, you are-a making a big-a mistake-a. You-a must-a know-a that-a whoever is-a coach next year will-a get an old-a, slow-a tired-a team-a who-a can't play-a defense-a. You-a should-a at least bring-a me back-a and fire me in-a January, so you will-a keep-a your-a job for longer.

Kerr: Thanks for your concern, Mike, but I'm looking to get fired. I'm just hoping Marv will take me back. Those were some sweet times. I miss the warmth.

Mario: You-a want-a warmth?
(He eats a flower on Steve Kerr's desk and tries to shoot a fireball but nothing comes.)

Kerr: Mario, what did I say about this?

Mario: Eating-a real flowers do not-a give you-a fireball powers. I'm-a sorry, I-a forgot. (Mario starts to stumble around) Mario not-a feel-a so good.

Kerr: That's because you ate a poisonous flower.

Mario: Oh-a no-a! (Mario keels over to the ground. He is dead.)

Kerr: Well crap, what am I gonna do now?

D'Antoni: I don't-a know, but-a I have-a to save-a dee princess-a! (He rips off his suit to reveal a pair of overalls underneath. He picks another flower off of Kerr's desk, eats it, and destroys the door to Kerr's office with a giant fireball.) It's-a me! D'Antoni!

Kerr: I wonder if Tom Selleck is available.

Tom Selleck: Always.